Noticing

Much of my life has been spent in folly, trying to engineer how best to have relationship with God. And in those attempts to define and confine Hashem to my finite understanding of relationship, I am in essence putting myself in charge of the matter. After all, in my vain attempts to formulate some quality of being with Him, I am still relying on myself. (“Am I speaking to Him enough, am I listening enough, am I including Him enough” …on and on it goes).

I continue to learn about resting in Him and yielding, but honestly, most often I wrestle that away from Him. However, today, in Home Depot, buying cow manure for my garden (lol), Abba showed me a truer way to have communion with Him. By simply…noticing…

When I come to my senses and realize that I am relying on myself to pursue relationship with God, I let that become my cue to rather let Him come to me. All that is required in that scenario is ‘noticing.’

So, what was this God-moment today in the garden section of Home Depot? Was it perhaps a magnificent demonstration of His power? Maybe the cloud of His shekinah glory over the annuals, or the healing of a gardener with back problems due to excessive weeding, or maybe multiplied bags of fertilizer?

Naw…a baby smiled at me.

As I headed toward the checkout line with my fertilizer, I noticed a man carrying his little boy, perhaps 10 months of age. As the man was walking, the baby was looking back at me. We locked eyes and I smiled. The little guy’s response nearly brought me to my knees. He smiled a huge, toothy grin and I was suddenly flooded with emotion. Now to the little boy, I probably just reminded him of his grandpa. But the Lover of my Soul was behind that smile. In that moment, I saw the Lord smiling at me. I cannot describe how I knew I was in Abba’s Presence; I wasn’t looking for it. But there was no question in my heart that our Creator Himself was beaming at me. You might think that silly but admit it…you’ve had experiences like this.

In this simple exchange with this little fella, I was reminded to cease striving in my efforts to connect with the Lord. And while I do understand that this process of relinquishing ‘my efforts’ to Him will continue, today, in a simple little baby’s smile, I was reminded of His pursuit of us, His delight in us, His rooting for us. I wonder how often I miss these intimate exchanges with Him.

Dear Abba,

Recently, the thought came to me…I cannot love You enough. I simply cannot, anymore than I can be perfect in all my ways! My walk has been characterized by self-deprecation because I unknowingly rely on myself. And while that has been softened by embracing the true gospel of grace, I still find myself in shame because I accuse myself of not loving You enough (i.e., spending enough time with You, focusing on You enough, etc.). But in thinking this way, I am doing the same thing I’ve always done…self-effort and self-reliance. On one hand, I say that my hope is in You, but if it is up to me to ‘love You enough,’ then I am still factoring myself into the salvation equation. In reality, even my love for You, comes from You!

American writer Miles Stanford, in his book The Green Letters (1964), wrote the following:

“To be disappointed with yourself, is to have believed in yourself.”

That quote has haunted me for years. Friends, there is absolute joy in the cessation of striving, and in so doing, you notice God relating to you…even through the smile of a baby. Yesterday evening, I ‘noticed’ the fragrance of honeysuckle on the bike path. In the morning, I ‘noticed’ four species of bird with red coloring visiting my feeder (rose-breasted grosbeak, red-bellied woodpecker, downy woodpecker, house finch). Abba is a great communicator of His love for us…we honor Him by ‘noticing.’

Please be bold haverim and share with us a simple God-moment you’ve had such as my experience today! Shalom!