I was weary...the lonely road was especially deserted that holiday weekend as I returned from a late shift around midnight. It was one of those autopilot drives that evokes a “oh, how did I get here,” reaction once you’re in the driveway.
Only this time I was rudely awakened a mile from the house when a cat darted out from nowhere in front of me…followed by the sickening sound of his collision with my car. I’m guessing you know that awful feeling of hitting an animal on the road…this was my first and I immediately pulled over to search for the cat. She was still alive and had crawled under a blue stationary mailbox...bleeding and broken... and I felt horrible. Able to gather her into my jacket and then the front seat, I determined to get her help should she make it through the night. That last mile home felt like forever and the poor animal made it evident the pain she was in.
I experienced compassion as I never had in those moments and when I attempted to retrieve her from the seat after reaching home, she writhed in agony and fell onto the street near the curb. A kind of helplessness and inner turmoil overtook me, and I fell to my knees, begging God to relieve the cat from her suffering. I’m not sure I had ever been so earnest about anything on any previous occasion. The moment I opened my eyes from my impassioned plea, I saw the cat jerk…and then die immediately…I was dumbstruck. God responded to my prayer and my jaw dropped.
Looking back at that event now gives me pause…why would Adonai respond to someone who neither knew Him nor desired to know Him? I journeyed those days with a nebulous God-consciousness and even attended a church…should someone ask, I would identify myself as a Christian, but with no understanding of what that meant, much less having a relationship with Him. But all I knew at that moment on that darkened street was that God listened and responded and it startled me.
A few weeks later, my 49-year-old father had a massive heart attack and wasn’t expected to make it through the night. Once again, I went to a quiet place and begged/pleaded with God to spare my father. Dad survived and lived to age 84.
With these two events, I became convinced that all I needed was to be passionate and sincere in my request and that God would grant it.
However, when the next life crisis came my way, and I went back to my quiet place…same passion, same sincerity…the result was quite different? The life crisis multiplied greatly. I learned that day that God is not a magic genie.
Dear Abba,
It’s been almost 50 years since that first encounter with You. When I consider those events, I realize now that You were wooing me…revealing Yourself to a lost boy who wouldn’t come to You for another seven years. It is Your kindness that reaches out to us before we reach out to You. It is Your majesty in creation, Your order out of chaos that reaches out to us, saying, “Come let us reason together, though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.”
How is it, that You, Creator of all things, would encounter a lost boy in the late hours of a summer night and demonstrate Your existence to him, before he was even remotely interested in You? As the psalmist said, “What is man that You are mindful of him and the son of man that You consider him?”
But You are the great lover. And lovers woo. Lovers make the object of their affection feel valued and unique and adored. You did that…and then you patiently waited seven years for me to respond back to You, after You first responded to me. Your Ruach continues to woo me, no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing. Todah rabbah Abba, baruch atah Adonai! Thank you so much Father, blessed are you Lord!
I imagine that most of us have had Abba woo us before we set our heart on Him. Do you remember a time you reached out with kavanah (the Hebrew word for impassioned, fervent prayer), even before you truly identified with Messiah Yeshua?
With that wooing, we see an aspect of Adonai’s character…that of the great lover who pursues us, giving us a glimpse into His reality. I would like to suggest that wooing isn’t limited to His demonstration and/or response to us. Consider Eliyahu’s (Elijah’s) encounter with Hashem in the cleft of the rock:
“...then He said, “Come out and stand on the mount before Adonai.” ...behold, Adonai was passing by—a great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and shattering cliffs before Adonai. But Adonai was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but Adonai was not in the earthquake...after the earthquake a fire, but Adonai was not in the fire. After the fire there was a soft whisper of a voice. As soon as Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle…”
Do you sense the intimacy accompanying this revelation to Eliyahu. So now, it’s your turn! In the comments section, tell us how Adonai reached out to you or touched you before you knew or even cared about Him.
Shalom,
James Mark
I didn't like cats much for a long time, and I'm cut from a different cloth there. Many of our folks understand what this means. I saw their usefulness on our property and got a couple of them from a friend. One of them was the gentlest most beautifully spirited cats that I've encountered. His name was Smoky, and he followed me around like a dog. He loved belly pets, and just sitting in my lap purring. Then last fall he disappeared. I haven't felt a loss like that since we had to put our dog Kish down.
However this blog isn't about cats, and that wasn't the answer to Mark's question. There are key times that I know looking…
I too hit a cat once that ran out in front of my car. I stopped and went to the door of the house where it came from and told the lady what had happened. I told her that I was VERY sorry and was even willing to replace it. She said, "That's OK. But how are you at catching mice?" 😆
More seriously, if His eye is on the sparrow, then I have to--grudgingly--admit that this must extend to cats, also. Sigh...
And even more seriously, thanks for what you wrote here. Good thoughts, and appreciate you sharing. And much belated condolences for your father. Tough stuff for sure.
Working out the math, sounds like you were 17 when…